Frustrations & Expectations

It's yet another day as i lie awake as frustration washes over me

My mind overworked for what? i am unsure

But i know i need to break fro this cycle i endure

It took a while for me to realize that

Ties have always been a hindrance

& yet i rejoice like its the nectar of life

Foolishly letting it distract me

from the path to my prime goal

Like a drug.. it's after effects ghastly

Always makes me repent for my absurd obsessions

& as each day passes I feel I am farther away from my destination

Everyday is the same

& I am unable to break away

from the everyday flow

as i am pushed along the tide

the need to be freed from the grasp of the ordinary

Leaves me helpless as i am not yet reasy

to come out of my cocoon

& venture out into the real worls

&become the person who I truly am &conquer my dreams

I have never been able to express the conceptions

about the person who i truly long to be

So i try to do so njow...

So i may peacefully fall asleep

& put my mind to rest

All that i would like to do is

& help those in need

Make this world a better place

Touch everyone's life in a positive way

& Leave a mark on this society

Before I fade away...

Leave Me In Peace

A million reasons to cry

while i make a wish to die

I sit in a crowd but all aloe

In the process of breaking all ties

Tears flowing down my cheeks

A heavy burden settling in me

People bitching about each other

Even if we are a family

Leave me in peace

Let me enter a world of glee

Where all sorrows &troubles flee

Leave me in peace

Problems is all they have

Which i cannot share

Murder me! for all i care

Cause life's turning into a nightmare

Loved one's drowning in their own miseries

Suffering in silence am i

Clueless as what to do next

A cold war,it's too much to bear

It's all a show,they really dont care

Even is it's my heart they actualy tear

Leave me in peace

Let me go to the world thats free

Where all sorrows turn into glee

Leave me in peace

Is there a worls where families dont break?

for silly little reasons?

Families take a long time to make

Trust,respect &love do not come easy

I hope they realize this

For their own sake!

Trust no one,please dont

Cause when they leave

It pains a lot

It leave marks
That never heals

So try your best to

Turn your heart to steel

If this is not possible

I again say

Leave me in oeace

Even is there is'nt a world thats free

I dont want any sorrow or glee

Just,leave me in peace

Copying??!!

Once the following convo happened between my cousin and me

"You know what yamini? It's such a pain to operate on the calculator??"

"Really?? "

You should see the brains in my class…they write with their right hand and operate on the calculator simultaneously with their left hand!!"

"Then why don’t you just calculate mentally??i guess it will be easier….right???"

"YEA sure..try calculating the sum of 10 numbers with precision to 4 points…."

"that’s tough…so are you allowed to use scientific calci's?"

"No….only normal calculators"

"so your supposed to find log by urself???!!!"

"Yea…using log book"

Here enters my cousin's brother with his very bright questions….

"Good na…you can Copy….good for you during the exams…enjoy..enjoy..But I'll tell amma.."

"Copying??? What nonsense.."

"Ya … you can copy from the log book na.."

"For your kind information…do you know whats a log book??"

"Ofcourse…all formulas are given in that book…so you can copy those formulas in your exams…"

"As usual your wrong…..you have to take the formulas from your head..which ofcourse you wont remember…for the dud you are…and then just take the values from the log book and find the final value…"

"But still you will have formulas in it.."

"I know better or u?"

"ME!"

"Oh whatever….log books are NOT formula books!!...How will I expl…..Actually…Why am I even tryng to justify myself…..that also to some bright spark like you..humph!!"

"AMMA!!! Akka called me a bright spark!!!!!!"

You don’t want to know what happened after that do you…!! Seriously!!

Another few of his bright questions…..

"Yamini…what are you practicing for??"

"I'm practicing for the light music competition that’s tomm.."

"Light music?? You put a light on top of your head and sing?? Where's the light??!!"

Another one….If you can stand it!!

"Hey yamini best of luck for your board exams "

"Thanks da…."

"wont you get tired writing the exam??"

"Why should I get tired??"

"you will be standing and writing the exam on the board For 3 hours continuosly no…that’s why..!!"

.....!Hmm god save him

Sister talk!

One day when I was busy reading a novel when the following petty conversation took place..My sister and me are experts at these type of conversations….after all it's 'girl talk' OUR speciality….

"How was your paper yesterday shru?"

"Better than the previous one"

"Who are you chatting with??? Seems to be our modern anarkali"

"She?!! She's my class mate…rinki.."

"You mean that Chamchamwala female?!!"

"She's not Chamchamwala …her name is Rinki Rhunjhunwala.."

"Something…But her mom makes really tasty chamcham..yummmmm!!"

"So what just because her name is funny you don’t need to make fun of her!!"

"Whatever……mitaiwala or dhoodhwala…doesn’t make a difference to me.."

"Yea….Whateva….."

For sometime silence prevails….which is a pretty great achievement especially when my sister's around …..but then yes…not for more than 5 minutes…She starts again….and I was just beginning to wonder how come she hasn’t asked me why I called her 'friend' anarkali…

"Wait a minute…..why did you call rinks anarkali??!!"

Oh yea…there she goes…

"Rinks??? Now who's calling rinki 'rinks'???"

"She's my friend you dimwit so thats a pet name!!…so tell me why did u call her anarkali?"

"Because she's 'crying' out her sob stories!!"

"She's ….whaaa?? Your reading my chat conversation fatso??!!!how rude can you get??!!"

k…there's some respect….i mean she always graces me with her so wonderfully creative words like fatso,bum,loser,dimwit…and what not!!!...bout I'm used to it….doesnt make a difference at all…. infact on the second thought...life is'nt complete without them

"well It's pretty obvious with all those emoticons and CAPS she's using…she's surely one emotionally imbalanced friend of yours…ofcourse she's the world's biggest madam 'problem solvers' friend!!"

"Shutup idiot!!!Anyways your sarcastic remarks aint going to get to me..your just wasting your time and besides …it's rude !!"

There goes another name….idiot!! haven’t heard that one for ages….:|

"well… Look who's talking about rude!!.. and I don’t use 'abusive language' like u do in every second line"

"Of course I don’t!! AND you are ruder than me"

"Ofcourse it's not"

"Ofcourse it is!!"

"Who says so??"

"I SAY SO!!!!!!"…

!!!Princess's verdict passed!! WHATEVER!!!!Loser…Oh my god her language is infectious…save me!!!

To err is human..To forgive is divine....

Indeed this proverb holds true in most cases..... some may argue they have no interest in being divine... but on a second thought i think forgiveness makes life a little less complex than it is.

But looking at the other side.... the word 'sorry' may be so expected in a culture like ours that they can become robotized robbed of their moral seriousness.And at this point its a challenge to recognize those wrong doer's who really repent.

This universal process of committing blunders,humiliation and then pardon is pretty disillusioning.It makes it hard for the next generation to be morally strong.wouldn't repeatedly forgiving someone for the same mistakes committed again and again make us cynical and wary?

Anyway my opinion in this case would be is to keep in mind that making an apology is not the same as seeking forgiveness.But all the same lets believe that for peace of mind an apology is better to be granted as it begins and complete's a healing process..

Expectations

Is it worth our time expecting from others???

I seriously dont know how to explain that expections is just another vice. Its a crime we commit not to others but to ourselves..

Expecting from others and then when those expectations do not get fulfilled might lead into depression... a fear .... or might leave us very pessimistic

We should take the momenst as they come...
Nothing or no one is ours except our dreams.... we should expect from ourseves.... so tht if they r not fulfilled its only us whose put to blame... and we dont need to bother finding out what went wrong and why they did.

ps:- should i take the post of a moral science teacher?? :P

A Random Thought

At times i have felt a bullet wouldnt hurt as much as that of a harsh word uttered by someone i love and trust

Some just cant accept the fact that faults,lies and mistakes are committed by everyone and as a result, they reach out to the nearest weapon they can grab 'their words' and unleash it on those less fortunate

I personally feel we should be happy we can speak.. so we shoudnt use it in the wrong way and especially not at the expense of others emotions

I would prefer not to hurt anyone with my words...as i know that the same words would be thrown back at me one day.. forming a circle so close around me tht it wud leave no space for remorse..

TQ!

I have always wondered... whats the importance of the word thankyou? well to explain it in short let me tell u a small story:

I visit my uncles place pretty often and off late have been stayin there too.. the apartment is in a complex safely guarded by security 24*7..

While entering the complex i have to pass by a guarded gate.. everytime i passed through the gate the guard used to open the gate and i used to walk past him wordlessly.. .eager to reach home to either to see my family or jus bcoz i'm deadfully tired..

days,months and years passed by and this is what used to happen

Recently during the same routine i brought a friend along with me home and when we were passing through the gate my friend thanked the security guard... and my you should have seen the smile on his face! that got me thinking about why i never thanked him for the past 10 years??

so i told myself why dont i make it a habit to thank him whenever i pass through that gate.

next time ....i made it a point to thank the guard... and he gave me the same smile too! it felt wonderful..very elevating like i had found a new friend.. slowly after a few days after me thanking him everytime he opened the gate for me and i heard him reply one word 'welcome'.... and it felt great that a person who did not know english took the effort to find out what to reply to the word 'thankyou'

One day the guard changed.... but i stil thanked the new guard whenever he opened the gates for me... but he never smiled nor replied... i felt humiliated told myself i would never thank him again... but then a thought struck me that it took me 10 years to thank a person...and when i never thanked it wasnt like the guard never opened the gate for me.. so why should i stop thanking people? and told myself ' he too will learn how to smile back in 10 years' :D

so in short:(after the long story)

Firstly we might say 'No thankyou and sorry in friendship' but we still continue thankin each other... but dont forget to thank those who help you out or do anythin in your favour coz its goin to bring a smile to their face which is priceless

Secondly dont expect from others...go keep ur ego on a tall tree and forget about it coz it will make u miss out on small pleasures of life meant to be enjoyed..and when yout done with throwing your ego away do whatever you can to keep everyone surrounding you happy

'Lokha Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu'

ps:- sorry for the horribly written story and repititive phrases... just wrote whats in my head and that too at 1 in the night!

pps:- Criticisms and debates are encouraged!

THE SEA NYMPH

I see a nymph

she is the spirit of the sea

she sits by the shore

as she moans over tragedy

She is as fair as the moon

And her hair flowing long

Her eyes sparkling with tears

As she sings a lovely song

Her wings are silvery white

and she wants to fly

BUt then she wonders

can she reach that high?

Can she escape this torture?

Can she really reach that far?

Her song says that she is scared

Cause she has never tread on this path

She wants to escape

she wants to hide

right up in the clouds

coz no ones by her side

How life used to be

with her kith and kin

but now all of em are dead

due to other people's sins

My heart reached out to her

i just cudnt believe

how can my own kind be so thoughtless?

i was struck with greif

Wait!Now Why is she quiet?

why is a chance given again?

isit because we are human?

who are incurable causethey are insane?

Why cant she just lash out at the,

and torture those thoughtless minds

who pollute her and her spirit

so much that she wants to cry?

Was she so troubled

that she coudnt even breathe?

Was she this hurt

that she thought of leaving her sea?

Then i heard a diff song

was it forgiving or full of hope?

but all that i could figure out was that

she had given us yet another long rope

And when she waded back into the sea

the waves reverentially washin her feer

she then gracefully took a leap

and took the path to destiny

Let her live in peace and be pure

let her return to her sea

and this newfound hope of hers

may it never cease

Tell me what would be the sea be

without this gentle spirit

her song still echoes

and burn like a lamp thats lit

PS:-If you could figure out what these stanza's were about please be free to leave in your comments..have not found one person who understood this poem in the way i meant it to be portrayed!! :)

PPS:- Nymph means a eavenly creature or an angel..

A NEW BEGINNING

Me:

I wish a thousand wishes

And i dare to dream them

A dream where life's as peaceful as heaven

A love that changes the definition of love...

A laughter as soft as the breeze..

The calm blue ocean and the white sands

Symbolizing purity and serenity

Bearing all the scars of life i move forward

Beginning a new life..

A life that stands for hope and happiness..

Like A thought as innocent as a child

or Fighting for old time's sake

A book painted with fresh memories

My emotions are as clear as a crystal

It's all about the craving to start a new beginning

Where i can have my fair share of zest and joy.......

Lovers:

As they walk hand in hand...

Walking on the moonlit footpath..

They look into each other's eye's....

It's when the magic that twinkles in the eye

That they find life is so simple

all bitterness is forgotten

And they begin life afresh.......

A song as sweet as that of a child..

Not violating the truth of life...

An ocean of love..

A mist of reality...

A sprinkle of faith and

The magic of fantasy

it's all that takes to start a new beginning....

General:

Dark clouds are surrounding me now and it's pouring...

I'm going through intense pain...

And i feel it's never ending...

But when that day comes where there's only sushine and smiles...

I know that i'll laugh on yesterday...

And thats when i unknowingly start a new beginning....

Synopsis:

Love and hate are two sides of the same and coin..

Happiness and sadness are different phases of life..

Both day and night exist under the same roof..

All these are abstract facts of life...

"There are many choices in life......

It's upto one to choose the right one"

Taking help of this...

We slowly but surely start a new beginning...

As we mature, learning the lessons of life...

We turn over a new life..........

Life's full of changes...

Changes that oppose reality...

Changes that are some for the good and some for the bad...

Changes that are heart breaking

Changes that suck us dry like an emotional vampire..

And when the day comes when i've changed for the better...

Thats when i know i started a new beginning...

There was a time when i moved forward

With no dreams for fear of nightmares....

With no hopes for fear of hopelessness...

With no desires for fear of despair...

And with no life for fear...

But now...Life is full of hope,optimism and eagerness.

For now i move forward

With dreams for hope of fantasy...

With hopes for hope of euphoria...

With desires for hope of cheerfulness..

And with life just for hope...

This is just the beginning of a journey..

It's the birth of hope......yet again..

MEMORIES

Your memories haunt me...

It tells me that those days will never come back..

And my heart knows that you are not mine

But still i stand on the road of life...

My ears awaiting the sounds of your footsteps...

I look at the waves peacefully washing the sand..

And my heart yearns for you....

When in a crowd your presence is felt..

When i am left alone...i only think about you

Without you, I am suffocated

Facing the harsh realities of the world.....

Life without you is an unending suffering

A candle without light,

A body wothout soul,

An ocean wothout water,

And a flower wothout petals....

My love and respect for you keeps growing day by day..

Your shadows haunt me in my dreams

Your memories are so sweet and unforgetable that,

I hold them close to my heart

Never ever to part with them....

Yes, i am aware that life has it's up's and downs..

It's like a helpless boat left to the mercy of the stormy sea..

It's just all about a roller coaster ride of emotions..

On the whole life is very unpredictable and full of surprises..

Inspte of knowing all this i act like an ignorant fool..

Byt all the same i will cherish these lovely moments

forever....forever and forever.................

Ps:-Dedicated to all those who have changed my life in a better way ... and even though i may not be very expressive.... this blog 'memories' says it all... Love you guys :)

LOVE

Neva did i feel this sudden change in out relationship,

thought it was normal....

Never found it strange or abnormal

Smiling to myself when alone

Singing songs to the winds

And fiding the hot weather romantic....

Why this sudden chages in emotions??

I feel like a bird in the sky,

A flower just blosommed,

I feel like a new born baby uncertain

An agel who has found new wings

Conspiring to reach out for the blue fluffy clouds....

For no reason red looks appealing,

Heart shaped candies have become my dream sweets

Roses have become my favourite flowers

And the moon, my favourite companion when pangs of lonliness are felt..

.

Can i define love as a mysterious tune

unheard of??

Or the night with the full moon and

Stars twinkling in the sky

Or a fantasy never dreamt of??

While thus pondering over love,

The sight of the waves washing away my footprints,

The sun setting bringing darkness into my life,

The tree shedding away it's leaves

The clouds parting away and

The now barren roads, make me realize....

Is it too late now??

Can i convey my feelings???...

And by not doing so...

I know my life will turn into sheer hell........

And then it strikes me it's all the play of nature

It makes us fall in love,

"it sees no one, no place and no time"

I feel this is unfair but all the same...

"i love to be in love"..........

It's a wonderful feeling undefinable and a boon to gain....

DESTINY'S VISIT

It’s the season of heartbreaks… and destiny’s not happy with just one…It satisfies itself with a myriad of tormented hearts..it strikes again and again till it leaves the individual sore and bitter… the bad memories outnumbering the good ones….It takes mighty amount of courage for a person to start afresh in these times shaking hands with destiny… befriending it… without a fret and fuss

Godess of Love is very kind to those two souls in love.. her descent is like that of an angel from a distant land of bliss and as she swishes her golden wand… rain creates an atmosphere for fairy tale romance…. Thunders become excuses for them to fall into each others arms………a slight breeze increases the frequency of romantic repartees..... Promises are made… bonds strengthened.. and at this point love is considered as god’s ultimate miracle………until destiny gives us a little visit… shoves those rainbow coloured illusions apart mercilessly and all that it leaves is a cluster of broken dreams.. Shattered trust and the worst is… it snatches away hope from us and makes life sheer hell… a life devoid of joy and happiness

As a dark cloud hovers over us.. we lose faith .. we stop searching for silver lining, a falling star, we believe we can never fall in love again… realization dawns over us that love does not always have happy endings… and we moan in self pity as a dozen questions arises …questions that are left unanswered seizing out peace of mind.. we blame destiny for being so cruel for not giving us another chance.. we start to believe that hell is surely a much more pleasant place to live in

Days and months pass by…Seasons come and go…loneliness that engulfed us slowly starts to fade away… we accept out fate with a slight grudge.. and start to forget the pain and take life in out stride……. We start to paint our black and white life into something a little bit more colourful.. a little bit more promising but very slowly as we are still learning from our past mistakes.

And then miracles of all miracles a ray of sunshine falls upon us….giving us the courage to dare to dream yet again…. Cupid smiles upon us and gives us a promising shot and then we start to laugh in the face of destiny… we again believe that we are solely responsible for what we make of our life and that is when we have forgotten all old memories and bad times and move forward towards a new horizon lease bothered about the consequences …… yet again to fall in love.

CHILDHOOD

When people ask me about my childhood

I dont know where to start

As the memories come flooding to my head

suffocating my heart

I go back to that magic land

A land where everyone had sweet stories to tell

Where laughter used to echo

And tears were shed to learn lessons of life..

I instantly travel in the train of memories

As a thousand scenes come hurtling back at me

Those loving memories of my childhood

are ever vibrant in my heart........

I listen to that laughter

And the lullabies of my mom echo in my ears

I remember how safely i was guarded

By my teddy bears from those" horrid monsters"

hiding under my bed

I remember those joke sessions with my dad

Those endless nonsensical fights with my sister....

Skipping rocks on the ponds, dancing in the streets

Jabbering endlessly and sailing paper boats in the rains

Those kites,marbles,games are all gone

Vanished without a trace never to be found again....

The mates of my childhood,those friends and those pals

Who were my companions and whom i loved

Have now changed, some for the good and some for the worse

Some bring tears of happiness,some tears of pity

Some tears of longing and some tears of love...

Some are far far away and some are near

Yes, i am content with my new found friends

BUt i still weep for those broken ties.....

We used to be so tension free and happy

In our own world of illusions and fantasies

I think of those good and bad times

and even of those simple nursery rhymes

A pocketful of dreams, dreaming fearlessly without a hitch

Dreams filled with sunlight , fairies and rainbow colours...

Dreams about reaching out for the magic lying beyond the skies...

If only we could steal one dream from that temple of dreams,

Life would never be so complicated , it would never be full of unpleasant surprises and horrors

A childhood forgotten is a childhood lost

Is what i say....

The innocence of childhood,

Why does it not show as we grow older?

Life would be sweet and gentle

If we could just look upon and live that

innocent little child within us..

As we grow older , the simplicity of life is gone...

We become more and more entangled

in the cobwebs of life...we are so caught up,

That we cannot appreciate the little joys life has given us..

I close my eyes,trying to capture those memories

never ever to let go of them

It would be nice if our childhood

lasted through our life on earth....

thus while wistfully ruminating over my childhood memories

The next venture knocks at my door

I recall that i am just a puppet in the hands of fate....

And walk on the path which leads to my destiny....

Exam is not everyones favourite topic to write about

but then i thought why dont i write down about how i couldnt finish my paper today and

u'll get to know why pretty soon

Todays paper was operating systems... and seriously only god knows what went wrong that i actually knew

each and every answer to the questions asked..(yea yea learn fro me how to gain selfconfidence :P)

I was so pleased with myself that i started writing down the answer to the first question with

full...(not concentration) actually over excitement

Ans:"OPeratin system is . . ."

uh...err... i actualy forgot..ah! who cares! but i swear i did remember it then!!

while answering the question suddenly vijay(! the poriki guy

!) pops into my head

and starts singing vasantha mulle.. with a very weird expression!

and im like wat the..... get out get out... let me write my definition peacefully!

but na tht jobles bugger...kept poppin up again and again just to get me thoroughly irritated

cause he just sings that one line! and does not sing the rest of it..

first of all his acting is so stupid...cant he even sing a song properly?

that too in my head?!ah these actors all of em going to the dogs

* exception:aamir khan! *

** on a second thought hrithik too **

and when i finally i got him out of my head... half an hour was up

and let me say i was tinie winie laggin behind in my schedule...

so i speeded up and in some time and guess wat?

'Someone'started hummin the song chak dhumdhum and started tappin my feet!!...(ME ME ME)

Yea i kno i kno another song! seriously donno wats wrong with me but unlike vijay i knew the whole song!!

so guess whos better!!

vijay yamini

0 1 ( i knew the whole song)

0 1 ( i dint make any weird expression!)

-----------

0 2

anyways cut the crap let me continue

I "think' in some time i disturbed the others a little bit... i think..not sure

u c my singing aint that bad :P it wud have been the tappin..

but the external was lookin around like a hawk for the person hummin so i got the hint

which i usually dont get most of the time...and i stopped :|

vijay yamini

0 1+1+1

---------------

0 3

( i know vijay wudnt have got the hint....he is too slow :D)

so now i was done with another song... and somehow with 40 marks too..

1 hours and 15 mins passed and i still had 60 marks to go!

And as i dint realize it then how short i was of time..

i started lookun around....observing how other ppl were writing...and their very very funny expressions

but after few blissful mins it hits me

'yamini u jobless creature...its exam.....u have to 'write' not stare'

and i continue writing

and im very glad to say tht

i wrote another 40 marks without any hindrance or distractions...( see the amount of

concentration i have...just amazing..i need a pat on the back!)

so

vijay yamini

0 1+1+1+1( i concentrated! vijay wudnt have!)

-----------------

0 4

damn... how jobless am i now? torturing poor l'il vijay anyways like he wud care..he is rollin in millions!

so finally... i had 20 marks to write in 10 mins..

one was 12 marks and the other was 8 marks

thankfully and very intelligently...i chose the 12 mark one coz i had to choose one!

and completed it.. and even tried writing the 8 mark one..

but guess not everyone is lucky

AND that dumb to sing songs,remember actors whom they hate and stare at ppl!

SO NOW u kno why i dint complete tht paper! !! :D

ps:- sorry vijay! (btw ur score is 0 still!)

pps:- my ma shudnt read this!she wud add more pepper and masala to this and start 'the lecture'

(thts every ma's job!! :P)

ppps:- i am not as dumb as i potrayed myself to be!

pppps:- if u were bored after readin this.its ur fault as u were as jobless as me [:D]